The most painful part of experiencing a short term emotional meltdown actually occurs once the individual is finally on the upswing. While a meltdown is taking place, the person's attention is mainly focused on taking each problem one step at a time. Find a workaround for the issue directly in front of you and then move onto getting back to the daylight again.
But once the meltdown is over and the brain starts to process information in a much more rational and comprehensive manner ... That is when the Guilt Monster rears its ugly head. While rational thought is a really marvelous thing and you're very happy to have it back ... After it finally does return is when you start to recognize the many numerous mistakes you made during the handful of days when the meltdown was going on.
While I did enjoy many elements of Chicago eXXXotica 2019, I was also dealing with a significant degree of physical discomfort that weekend. On Friday Afternoon, it was a moderate sized sinus headache. By Saturday Afternoon, the situation had evolved into a strong degree of tension in my neck and shoulders. Which left me experiencing a significant amount of mental distraction.
So Saturday Evening as I was driving away from the event ... I mistakenly left nearly $2,000 worth of camera equipment sitting in a large case on the pavement of the Parking Deck. Realizing the mistake as soon as I got back to the Western Suburbs and began unpacking the car, I then lost hours of sleep as I retraced my steps and tried to find the missing equipment.
I finally gave up and allowed myself to climb into bed about 5 in the morning. But I wound up getting barely more than 4 hours of slumber before I had to start getting ready for Sunday's edition of the event.
I received a phone call Sunday morning, from the Parking Deck Manager. The case had been handed to him and everything was returned to me (in good condition) before that day's Trade Show began. But I wound up having to function that afternoon on the bare essence of an emotional gas tank and a brain that was sputtering every step of the way.
Now looking at things from 20 / 20 hindsight ... I should have just stayed home that weekend. Because I clearly was not in a state of mind where I could properly interact with a large trade show full of people. Mainly because my concept of personal boundaries became increasingly inconsistent as the weekend wore on.
I was occasionally standing too close to a model I found interesting. And I was occasionally kissing someone on the hand or the cheek when I barely knew her and I hadn't asked for permission.
So while I was not being the type of Stupid Clod who gets himself tossed out of an Event because he can't keep his hands to himself ... I clearly was the guy who was making too many social mistakes and causing a solid handful of people to be concerned about what my real intentions were. And it was a good several days after the event, before my brain finally started putting the pieces together and realizing the true nature of how my weekend had been unfolding.
So I offer a sincere apology to anyone I interacted with in a less than appropriate manner. I usually put a great deal of effort and attention into being a polite gentleman. But on that particularly weekend, I failed on several occasions.
Travis